


baby, please come home

by scepterofstardust



Category: K (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Light Angst, M/M, SaruMi - Freeform, saru misses yata at christmastime, saruhiko is just so soft for yata okay, sorta - Freeform, there's a little crying, they go out together after the reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-01 11:43:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16764451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scepterofstardust/pseuds/scepterofstardust
Summary: Saruhiko remembers all the Christmases before he tore their world apart. Maybe this year, they can begin to mend it.





	baby, please come home

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone! i'm crawling back into the world of k after watching the first four episodes of seven stories ^^ i cried so hard during lost small world, and i had been deliberating what to write for the holidays this year - so here we are. this is meant to be post-kaput, when yata rescues saruhiko from the green clan's base. please enjoy!

Saruhiko misses Yata. It's an ever-present fact, one that he can only keep private by the skin of his teeth. They had reconciled beneath the Green King's chaos, yes, but just barely. They'd hardly spoken after that - Yata had stood by his side in the medical van as they patched him up, the cold biting at him until he felt translucent. The red-haired boy had left for home when he was satisfied Saruhiko wouldn't bleed out, an apologetic smile as he hurried off to check on his family. Saruhiko wasn't angry at him for it, not by a long shot. Just a bit disappointed. 

It wasn't as if he thought things would restore themselves overnight. He had never been that naive. 

He just wanted to hear Yata's voice and remind himself that it was real. Sleeping in Scepter Four's dorms felt stifling, a prison when he knew Yata was out there and didn't hate him anymore. He wished he would show up at his door, call him, anything, but he didn't. Saruhiko was far too cowardly to do it himself.

He dreams of him often, though. Memories of the past he had long since shut away. As the holidays approach, he remembers how he fled to Yata's house each Christmas, staying as long as he could over winter break.

He remembers the Christmas before they moved out. The Fushimi's last maid had quit, and there was no food in the house. He thrived on what he could afford to buy from the convenience store and what he ate at Yata's, but his body was giving out on him. By the time classes ceased, he was too sick to do much of anything.

Not that he would tell Yata that. If he had, he would have forced Saruhiko to be in bed and he would have felt awful for being a burden. Better to just manage the best he could.

_"Saru?"_

_He groans, ears ringing. "Saru, can you hear me?" His eyes crack open a fraction to see Yata hovering over him on the kitchen floor. He's got his phone pressed to his ear. He looks distraught, a red flush in his cheeks that's always present when he gets flustered._

_"Misaki?" He manages, confused. He tries to sit up, but his head spins viciously._

_"Don't move," Yata scolds him, pressing him back down._

_"What're you doing?" He hears himself croak._

_"I'm helping you, you ass. You fainted."_

_"Ambulance?" He asks weakly, panic beginning to spiral into his throat. If they called his parents-_

_Yata shakes his head._

_"No, I know you wouldn't want that. I'm just calling my mom. I-I don't really know what to do..." Yata bites his lip nervously. Saruhiko chuckles._

_"Okay, you do that." He tries sitting up again, and Yata smacks him on the shoulder._

_"What did I say?" Saruhiko winces, falling back onto the tile. "I swear."_

_"Ow," he complains._

_"You big baby. I didn't hit you that hard."_

_"You did too."_

_"Uh-huh."_

Inevitably, he remembers their last Christmas together. Yata had excitedly told him about the carnival in town, and although it wasn't his sort of thing, he agreed to go. He could never refuse when Yata looked up at him with those sparkling eyes.

They bought street food and went on the rides. It was so cold that Saruhiko's teeth were chattering, but Yata was animated, pointing out attractions as they went by and talking about what he was getting his mother and sister for the holidays. Saruhiko mostly stayed quiet, knowing he didn't have much to share but content to let Yata talk all night. He'd never get tired of listening to him when he was excited, as much as he feigned annoyance.

Somehow, they ended up on the ferris wheel.

_Yata's loudly oohing and aahing at the city lights, pointing out far away shops and neighborhoods while Saru watches quietly. He can't help the fond smile creeping onto his face._

_"Misaki?" Yata pauses his admiration of the view and turns, smiling._

_"Yeah?"_

_"Thank you for all of this," Fushimi says quietly._

_"Of...of course," Yata says, eyebrows drawn together. He takes in how small Saru suddenly looks, his shoulders drawn in, eyes directed down into his lap. He sits back down on the bench next to his best friend, worrying at his lip. "Is something wrong, Saru?"_

_"No, I..." Saruhiko tries to think of a way to tell him, to let him know exactly how much this means to him, but Yata only knows he didn't enjoy being at home, nothing more. He doesn't know about all the nights he spent locked in his closet, crying and wishing for that guy to disappear. He doesn't know about the flames he saw as a child, about the sprained ankles, about all the maids whose names he doesn't remember._

_"You can't lie to me," Yata says softly, and he looks so concerned that Saru can hardly bear it. He really doesn't deserve Yata Misaki._

_"I...I just, um..." Saru can feel the tears stinging at his eyes, and he wants so badly not to do this, not to break down in front of the only person that matters, but he can't help it. He hasn't see Yata in days, which felt like years to him, and he loves this so much, loves being away from everything else and feeling safe. Nothing can haunt him up here. He has Yata to thank for all of that. He wishes the night would never end._

_"T-Thank you," he stammers, wet tears spilling down his cheeks. "For everything."_

_Yata looks heartbroken, watching him sniffle and wipe fiercely at his eyes. He's caught off guard, since Saruhiko never really shows his true emotions unless he's at a breaking point. It makes his chest ache._

_"You idiot," he sighs. "You don't have to thank me."_

_"I-I know," Saru whispers, voice strained from the lump forming in his throat. "It's just...this is my favorite time of the year..." He feels more tears coming, and he lets them fall this time. He squeezes his eyes shut._

_"Is it really?" Yata's words are tentative like his touch on Saru's shoulder._

_"Yeah..." Saru admitted, twisting his hands together in his lap. "It's just different. In a good way."_

_"Well...we'll just have to make sure we do this every year then, yeah?" When Saru opens his eyes, Yata is smiling at him. He ruffles his hair affectionately._

_Saru smiles back shyly._

_"Okay."_

The next winter, he leaves HOMRA. (He leaves Yata.) He spends Christmas Eve alone in his room, sobbing with his hand over the scar on his chest. He’s rotting from the inside out.

Reisi watches him knowingly the next day, inviting him to the company Christmas party. He's afraid it's out of pity, but Reisi never calls him out or starts that conversation. Saruhiko resigns himself to his fate and forces himself to adapt to holidays without Yata by his side. 

(It never quite works.)

He tries not to think about him now. Scepter Four is having their party, clan members doing horrible carols and exchanging gifts. Saruhiko picks at his food in an attempt to pretend he's interested. It's not that he hates Scepter Four, far from it, but the one person he wants the most isn't here. He speaks to Seri when she stops by his table. She's bright and warm, wishing him a good holiday before heading off to make her rounds. He can't quite match that enthusiasm, but he does his best not to come off as cold. 

The captain is playing the piano softly in the background. (He was, unsurprisingly, good at that too.) Saruhiko resolves to stare out the window until someone else makes an unfortunate attempt at conversation.

_You don't have to thank me._ Unbidden, images of Yata rise in his mind, wearing the tissue crown for his birthday, taking Christmas cookies out of the oven. Watching in awe as Saruhiko programs something complex. His arms around him as he drags him from the hospital's morgue. _Your father's already dead, Saruhiko. Let me take you home._

“Don’t you have somewhere to be, Fushimi-kun?” Reisi asks casually, sliding into the booth across from him. Saruhiko jumps, nearly knocking his silverware on the floor. 

“No,” he replies suspiciously. “Where would I be going?” 

Reisi silently drinks from his glass of wine. Saruhiko clicks his tongue.

“You’re not answering, which means you have an opinion."

“Not an opinion, Fushimi-kun. A hunch.” Saruhiko huffs.

“Do you ever give out straight answers?”

“With how long we’ve worked together, you should know I don’t,” Reisi says cheerfully, leaning forward. “Let me ask you this - that friend of yours, Yata Misaki, you and he reconciled recently, yes?” Saruhiko sighs.

“Yes, Captain.”

“You and he were friends throughout childhood, yes?”

“That’s right.”

“So one might presume you perhaps had certain traditions for birthdays, Christmas, the New Year, and all that, yes?” Saruhiko snorts incredulously. Reisi raises an eyebrow.

“ _Yes_ ,” Saruhiko relents, exasperated. “So?” Reisi chuckles.

“So, go. I didn’t personally organize this event. I’m not offended.” He and Reisi have a staring match for a few moments, and Saruhiko scowls.

“Why are you right about everything?”

“Not everything,” Reisi smiles serenely. “See you tomorrow.” Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, Saruhiko stands up and heads for the door.

"Have fun!" Seri calls. He looks at her accusingly.

"Has everyone here been watching me make a fool of myself?"

"Not everyone," she says tentatively. "You did...look a bit pathetic staring out the window, though. Hard not to notice." His mouth drops open.

"I hate all of you," he announces to the room. "I'm leaving now." Seri laughs and waves goodbye, and he stalks outside among victorious cheers.

* * *

He finds himself outside the HOMRA bar, unsure how to even begin. It's not as if he can just casually walk in - he sincerely doubts anyone besides Yata would be interested in seeing his face again. No better mood-killer than the guy who betrayed your family coming in and asking for hot chocolate. 

He can see him inside, laughing as Kusanagi chases him around the counter. Should he call Yata and ask what he's doing? No, that's like some horrible television drama.

He's so busy thinking of some way to get his attention that he hardly notices the side door opening.

"Saruhiko?" He nearly jumps out of his skin, peering around the corner to see who it is. "I thought it was you."

"I..." He kicks himself as he momentarily fumbles for words. Anna is blinking up at him, a fond smile on her face. "Anna. Sorry, it's um...weird to show up like this." She shrugs.

"Not really. Are you looking for Misaki?" His heartbeat suddenly accelerates at the sound of his name. He can't believe he's doing this.

"Ah...yeah. Just wanted to talk to him for a second, if that's okay." She chuckles. "What?"

"It's okay, Saruhiko. He's not going to be mad at you, if that's what you're worried about."

"I wouldn't speak too soon," he says dryly. She shakes her head.

"If that's how you feel. I'm going to go get him." She disappears inside, and Saruhiko sucks in a deep breath, shoving his shaking hands into his coat pockets.

"Saru?" Yata pokes his head out the door, eyes wide with surprise. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

Saruhiko freezes for a moment, his mind going blank. Yata's wearing jeans and an oversized hoodie. He looks comforting and familiar. It strikes him where it hurts. 

"Wasn't your king having a party too?" Yata questions curiously. "I would've thought you would be there."

"It's...not really my thing." Yata laughs.

"Yeah, I figured. So what's up?" Saruhiko steps a little closer, heart hammering in his chest.

"I was wondering...if you wanted to go to the festival with me," he says hesitantly. "I mean, I know you're already busy, so it's okay if-"

Yata's eyes light up and he grins so widely that Saru's chest squeezes.

"No!" Yata beams. "I'm coming. Wait just a second." He disappears inside and Saruhiko watches him dash across the bar to grab his coat. Anna stops him for a moment. He leans down, allowing her to whisper in his ear. She giggles as he jerks back, looking flustered. 

"Let's go," he announces when he bounds back outside. "C'mon, Saru!" He nearly drags Saruhiko off to the train station, but he can't bring himself to be annoyed. He's still basking in the fact that Yata even agreed to go anywhere with him.

The festival looks just as beautiful as he remembers. Paper lanterns line the sidewalk, and vendors with food and games provide warmth and friendly chatter. They buy cocoa from a stand to warm up, and wander through the attractions aimlessly. Saruhiko had feared it would be awkward, but honestly, it wasn't that bad. They made conversation about their clan work and things like that, straying from intimate topics, and Saruhiko could almost pretend no time had passed. At one point, Yata links their arms, and he has to fight a smile.

"You want to go on the ferris wheel?" Yata asks suddenly, pointing to the structure towering over their heads.

"Sure," he agrees amicably. They make their way up the line and eventually clamber into a car. The motor slowly carries them into the sky.

"Wow!" Yata peers outside, pressing a finger against the glass. "Look at all the lights. I can see the bar, too!" Saruhiko obliges him, feigning exasperation.

"You know, I see this from the helicopter all the time."

"Oh, shut up," Yata groans, and Saruhiko smiles shyly.

"I'm just teasing you. It's nice."

"Whatever," Yata laughs. "Just look." He does. The city is laid out in golden patterns, blocks and neighborhoods forming a sort of circuit. There's splashes of colors where shops and homes are decorated with wreathes and lights. It's beginning to snow again, frozen flakes tumbling past their car. Yata's eyes are wide with wonder, amber illuminated by their surroundings. Saruhiko can't help staring at him instead of the view. It's a million times better, if he's being honest. He hasn't gotten to admire him up close yet, at least, not without blood seeping through his fingers and dust from debris making him choke.

He's forgotten how stunning he is. Well, not forgotten, but it had become difficult to access, like when he didn't practice sword fighting for a while and the techniques began to fade from muscle memory. It's all rushing back, too fast and too overwhelming. 

He remembers why he was so angry with himself, now. He can't believe that he acted so selfishly, that he threw all this away like a child begging for attention. If it weren't for the conflicts between the kings, they may have never reconciled. Saruhiko may have never been able to face him again as his real self, not the crazed, hateful creature he used to drive him away. He may have never seen him again at all. The thought feels like a knife plunging through his body, painful and messy. He hates that he's done this, that he couldn't bear pretending. It would have been worth it to fake happiness, to shove down his discomfort all these years if it meant they didn't have to separate. If it meant they didn't have so much lost time to make up for. 

He should have stayed. No matter what. 

The tears are scalding against his icy skin, and he flinches. He turns away, not wanting Yata to see, but he's never been able to get much past him. 

"How many times do you think we'll go around?" Yata asks, fascinated. Saruhiko can't answer past the lump in his throat.

"What's wrong?" Yata questions, smile falling.

"I just..." Fushimi starts uncertainly. Yata sits down beside him, expectant.

"I just missed this," he finishes lamely. Yata's expression softens.

"So did I," he says quietly. 

"I missed _you_ ," Saru murmurs, blinking hard. Yata chews on his lip for a moment.

“Look at me, please?” Saruhiko does, albeit reluctantly. He knows his eyes must be red. Yata sighs, and there's tears gathering in his eyes too.

"I missed you, too," Yata mumbles. "Always." Saru gives him a watery smile.

"Really?"

"Of course. You're my best friend." Yata puts an arm around him, looking at Saru with so much warmth that he thinks he must have stolen the sun from the sky. 

"I'm sorry," Saruhiko whispers. He doesn't need to clarify what for. 

"I know you are," Yata says gently. "It's okay."

"It's not," Saruhiko manages. He feels a few tears drip onto his hands. "I ruined everything. Don't lie."

"I'm not lying," Yata replies, smiling sadly. "It was my fault, too. I might be stupid sometimes, but I know that much." Saruhiko just blinks at him, surprised. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

Saruhiko doesn't know what to say after that. He's gotten so used to feeling rotten inside, to having this dialogue alone with only his self hatred to bounce off of. As much as he had wanted to blame Yata, he'd stopped doing that a while ago. It was foolish and pointless - it wasn't as if they'd ever resolve this.

Or at least, he'd thought they never would. Things change.

"Thank you for saying that," he breathes, closing his eyes tiredly.

"Of course. I-"

There was a loud boom as fireworks began to go off over the water. Golds, reds and greens shimmer for a second, then vanish. 

Yata yelps in shock, grabbing onto him. Saruhiko sees him as a child for a moment, in the hallways of their school. He used to clutch onto Saruhiko's arm and look up at him from there, asking him for guidance. If he was really frightened, he'd shove himself into Saru's chest and hide. 

He starts laughing.

"It's not funny!" Yata splutters. "That scared me!"

"It is," Saruhiko chuckles. "It's very funny." The fireworks display continues, flashing lights through the glass. Yata huffs, borderline pouting. 

"When we get off the ride, I'm _leaving_."

"Sure you are," Saruhiko smirks. "You'd have to let go for that." Yata stares down at their intertwined arms, looking betrayed. His cheeks flush red. Saruhiko grins, nudging him with his elbow. "It doesn't seem like you want to, though."

"Oh, shut up," Yata says weakly, turning to look out the window again. "Don't make me punch you."

"Good thing you have one free hand to do that, right?"

"I hate you."

"Oh, I know." 

* * *

They wander around the festival for another hour or so and weave through the shops surrounding it. They lapse into a more comfortable silence as they approach the bar, arms still linked. Saruhiko stops at the side door wearily. 

"I guess I'll say good night here, then," he says lightly, turning to face Yata.

"Are you sure you don't want to come in or anything? It's cold." Saruhiko sighs dramatically.

"You just don't want to say goodbye to me, do you."

"Okay, if you're gonna start that, I'm going," Yata says, trying to march away. He sounds irritated but his expression betrays him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Saruhiko laughs softly, dragging him back by the arm. "I'll stop, I promise." 

"I don't believe you," Yata replies, eyes narrowed. “You like making fun of me too much.”

"Maybe,” Saruhiko agrees readily. “Or maybe it makes you stick around a little longer.” It was the truth – he’d abused that all these years. The more he antagonized Yata, the more conflict it bred, and the more hatred Yata would harbor against him. Not that it ever did Saruhiko any good.

“ _Stop_.” Yata pulls a disgusted face. “Seriously, are you coming in?”

“No,” Saruhiko shakes his head. “I shouldn’t.” Recognition flares in Yata’s eyes, then gives way to guilt.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. That would be awkward for you, right?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” Saruhiko shrugs.

“Well, before you go…” Yata glances at the ground, a nervous habit. “I have something for you.”

“You do?” It comes out more incredulous than he’d intended. “Ah, but I…I don’t have anything to give you.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Yata waves a hand in dismissal. “Close your eyes.”

“I…What?” Saruhiko stutters. “Why?”

"Just for a second," Yata says, smiling. “Come on, please?”

"Are you going to jump me?"

"What?" Yata laughs. "No, you idiot. Just do it." Saruhiko sighs reluctantly and obeys. He waits in the darkness and hears the snow crunch under Yata's shoes.

Yata plants a kiss on his cheek, soft as a feather. Saruhiko's eyes fly open, and he looks down to see Yata grinning triumphantly. Saruhiko tries to say something, but his tongue has turned to lead, his whole body paralyzed. He blinks owlishly at the shorter boy.

"Got you!" Yata sings, already making his way towards the bar. "I'll see you later, Saru."

"I-Wait-"

“Night!” Yata says cheerfully, and pulls the door shut. Saruhiko is left standing in the snow, utterly dumbfounded. Every wire in his brain has shorted out.

Yata kissed him. On the cheek. _Adorably._

He turns around and walks towards the station slowly, feeling dizzy. He can’t help the sort of manic glee that overtakes him, smiling up at the sky.

Yata, the boy who he’d pointed his blade at and mocked for the past few years, had kissed him. Had chosen to trust him again. Had looked up at him with those eyes full of fascination. Everything they’d suffered had led up to this.

Maybe they did have a lot of time to make up for – but maybe he could make peace with that. Maybe he could look forward to the future anyways.

Maybe, he could let himself love Yata Misaki just as much as he always had. Maybe, he could love him even more.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, and please feel free to leave a comment! I love reading your words and it encourages me so much <3
> 
> also, I wanted to say that I'm currently working on a BTS zine project! it's modeled after fashion magazines such as Vogue, Dazed, and more. we have so many talented artists and I'm honored to work with them. this project is going to be so amazing! if you want to see updates and support us when the zine/merchandise goes on sale (in January), you can find us as btszines on twitter and tumblr! part of the proceeds will be donated to charity.
> 
> you can find me here:  
> twitter: @lunatic_yoongi  
> kkt: @scepterofstardust


End file.
